Wesley Willis, Photo courtesy of Greg from New York, NY, America, under Creative Commons
I write songs because I like to write songs. It’s my life. I had to do what I had to do.
Wesley Willis, in an interview with Nardwaur the Human Serviette
Wesley Willis was a Chicago native diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1989. Despite this diagnosis (in fact often empowered by it), Willis devoted his life to his music and his drawings, some of which became his album covers. Over the course of his career, he performed as the lead of his punk rock band, The Wesley Willis Fiasco, many solo acts, and even collaborations with more well-known artists such as Jello Biafra of the Dead Kennedys, who signed him to his label “Alternative Tentacles”.
Drawing of Chicago by Wesley Willis, Photo courtesy of Daniel X. O’Neil, under Creative Commons
Songs for the Strange
Much of his music, especially his solo work, has a very distinctive song structure and sound. His Technics KN keyboard tended to be the only instrument used during his performances, where he used various presets altered in some way for each song. One preset in particular, featured on “Rock N Roll McDonalds,” was used for over 40% of songs on his 3 “Greatest Hits” albums.
There are also several recurring themes in Willis’s lyrics based on his own experiences with schizophrenia, both imagined and physical. Several songs call out fast food companies for selling fattening food. Others recount his outbursts on the Chicago bus lines or in church. Still others are entirely devoted to praising artists and people he loves (platonically and romantically). A concerning number of his songs tell of people being arrested for murder and other felonies.
I believe that all of Willis’s songs reflect some fear of his. He may worry about his own weight. He may worry about being sent to jail because of his outbursts. He may fear losing the love of people he adores. Additionally, many of his songs are highly explicit and violent, likely stemming from his paranoia such as “I Wupped Batman’s Ass” or “Suck a Caribou’s Ass”.
Nearly every song ends with the phrase, “Rock over London / Rock on Chicago,” and the slogan of companies such as Folgers, Wheaties, and Mitsubishi.
A Man Beloved
Wesley Willis was well known in Chicago during the 1990s among his fans for his honest, heartfelt songwriting, even if the music can be repetitive. He famously greeted and left people with a headbutt, leaving a permanent bruise on his forehead.
Star of Wesley Willis on the outside mural of the Minneapolis nightclub First Avenue. Photo courtesy of Christopher Bahn, under Creative Commons
In fact, his entire body was distinctive to people who saw him. Not only was he 6’6″, towering over most people, but he had multiple scars over his face from an attack by a stranger and that bruise on his forehead. This attack was only one of many traumas he experienced during his lifetime, the most notable of which is probably his aunt robbing him of $600 with a gun to his head.
Regardless, he was compassionate to his fans and the people he sings about. His music was incredibly original if nothing else, and most people who went to his shows seemed to be enjoying his music for what it was, not as “so bad it’s good” music.
If you want to explore Wesley Willis’s music, I suggest listening to his “Greatest Hits Volume 1” album and watching his interview with Nardwaur below.
Video interview between Wesley Willis and Nardwaur the Human Serviette on YouTube.
Where the FitnessGram Pacer Test is most likely to occur. Photo courtesy of Meriwether Lewis Elementary School, under Creative Commons.
In 2011, the Cooper Institute dropped an eight track instrumental mixtape of back to back bangers. However, after seeing that the market for instrumental mixtapes was oversaturated, they overlaid a recording of a tired sounding man counting from 1 to 247. They then marketed their mixtape as an “exercise program” and it was distributed to elementary, middle, and high schools all over the United States.
This was the birth of the FitnessGram Pacer Test as we know it today. The test is simple. Run the length of 20 meters in less time than it takes for a chime to ring out. After your second time of coming shy of the 20 meter mark, you’ve finished the test, and you can go sit on the bleachers.
When most people think back on the FitnessGram Pacer Test, it draws to mind memories of pain, sorrow, and harsh blows to self-esteem. For some, the standout memory of the test is the spiel of instructions at the beginning. But why do people forget the most important aspect of this sweaty school gym gauntlet? Why do people always forget about the music? Let’s go through each and every song in the FitnessGram Pacer Test and look at the best, the worst, and those that shouldn’t exist.
Song 1: Level 1-2
The nice relaxed groove that everybody knows. The electric wah-d out guitar funkily shreds up the track. It also throws in a sound byte of a person coolly saying “feel it” on occasion. It’s laid back, and encourages listeners to pace themselves. This track sounds like it could be a water level in Mick And Mack Global Gladiators for the Sega Genesis.
Average Mick & Mack Global Gladiators connoisseur. Photo courtesy of Mike Mozart, under Creative Commons.
Song 2: Level 3-4
The instrumentation, the beat, the everything. The drums are so crisp. It’s all so groovy. The flow matches beautifully with the pace of the test. This is also where the challenge starts to pick up. If you’re scouring for a runners high, this is where it’ll be found. There’s a great sense of depth to the track. It retains the cool-ness of the first track and expands on it. It’s hard to hear over the deafening squeak of sneakers against the gymnasium floor, but there’s a lot of detail going into this song. This is without a doubt the best track you will hear in the FitnessGram Pacer Test.
Song 3: Level 5-7
Very synth oriented, but the brass isn’t to be counted out. There’s subtle arpeggiation in the “chorus” of the track, when mixed with the high up string really pushes you forward. The keyboard solo around lap 54 is also a neat highlight. Unfortunately, much of this track feels flat, especially when compared to the last track. The drums are weak, and the whole mix feels cheap. It’s still a mildly catchy melody though. Certainly not the worst track.
Song 4: Level 8-9
Bringing back the funk in a big way. Huge emphasis on the slap bass, with guitar highlights and a lead coming from the horns. Total fanfare for the tuckered out prepubescent soldiers still trooping through the middle school gymnasium. There’s also a nice sax solo tucked away in the song that deserves a shoutout. Peter Parker in Spider-Man 3 (2007) would dance to this.
Song 5: Level 10-14
Intimidating and minimalist. This is some Terminator music. If you are still in the running at this point, your gym teacher is going to turn into the Terminator and you will have to fight them to the death. It sounds like if Hans Zimmer did the soundtrack for Donkey Kong Country. It does a weird little switch up and turns into a total rip off of Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”. Even the music sounds bored at this point. It’s no longer trying to push anyone forward. It’s now speaking to the classmates of the one person still left going. “Look at this guy go,” it says, “you’re just going to have to wait this one out.”
Song 6: Level 15-16
I guarantee you’ve never heard this song before, because this song is the start of part 2 of the FitnessGram Pacer Test, which no gym teacher has ever felt the need to put on. Regardless, it exists. The highlight here is this bizarrely stilted saxophone which winds up sounding like a quartet of clowns honking their noses. Aside from that, this track is pretty forgettable. No components of this track make an effort to stand out. I’d say it’s towards the bottom of the tracks in the FitnessGram Pacer Test.
Song 7: Level 17-19
This music should not exist. It is too upbeat. Between the fast paced organ and the midi piano, it’s just too much. Other elements come into the song to round it out a little better, but it’s not enough to save it. It’s cheap, awkward, and doesn’t properly hype up whatever superhuman This is the worst song in the whole thing.
Song 8: Level 20-21
This music should really not exist, but I’m sure glad it does. It’s a four-on-the-floor banger with nice chimes ringing out in the background. It’s a nice change of pace compared to the music we’ve gotten before. The beat is simple, but the sheen on the production is more than welcome after the rough quality of the last track. The synths fade out nicely as the final lap is called, and the test ends.
Conclusion
The pace at which you’re running by the time you’ve gotten to the final 247th lap of the FitnessGram Pacer Test is roughly 6 meters per second. This is about three times faster than the pace from the first lap. After running just over three miles at an average pace of 7 minutes and 26 seconds per mile, this is an astonishing feat.
I could only find evidence of one person completing the FitnessGram Pacer Test. I have to wonder if they even acknowledged the music as they were chugging along. Did they bob up and down to the beat? Did they match their strides with the notes? Or did the music remain banished to the background, with not so much as a thought passing through the champion’s mind?
Whatever the case, I’ll always be thankful for the musical highs and lows of the FitnessGram Pacer Test. While the tracks were oftentimes cheesy and antiquated, they kept me company. It made the whole ordeal bearable. Thanks Cooper Institute.
The album cover for BURN PYGMALION!!! A Better Guide to Romance by The Scary Jokes
On January 1, 2019, The Scary Jokes released their 3rd album: “BURN PYGMALION!!! A Better Guide to Romance”. This piece of quaint bedroom pop follows fictional characters Jeanine and Sylvia through the struggles of their relationship. Liz Lehman, creator of The Scary Jokes, weaves together haunting yet entrancing melodies to probe into the details of each character’s feelings for each other.
A Journalist’s Obsession With a Star
“BURN PYGMALION” is split into songs from the perspectives of both characters with short narrations in between. The second track, “Death, Thrice Drawn” first introduces Jeanine’s adoration for Sylvia, a “hotshot” who she would “set the world on fire to be with”.
However, her anxiety over their less-than-ideal situation leads her to question if the relationship can sustain itself, much like the wyrm referenced in the second verse. The mostly upbeat, synth-filled song ends with an emptying of the soundscape to allow Jeanine’s anxieties to come to light.
The title alludes to tarot cards, in which death signals great change to come, foreshadowing a turbulent relationship throughout the rest of the album. Additionally, these three phases will likely spell the end of them both by their story’s end if it reflects the “triptych in decay” referenced in the second verse.
Pygmalion – Myth Made Reality
“Pygmalion” steps into an outsider’s point of view of Sylvia and Jeanine’s relationship, scalding Sylvia for her emotional abuse of her lover. Pygmalion was originally a king in Greek myth who obsessed over sculpting the perfect wife to adore before Aphrodite brought her to life.
You’re just a monster with a BFA She wants to claw your eyes open So you can see, she’s not a plaything
The Scary Jokes on “Pygmalion”
Much like the king, Sylvia is accused of manipulating her object of adoration to her whims without regard for Jeanine’s feelings. Sylvia chisels “fear in [Jeanine’s] eyes” in order to keep her clinging, as reflected in the intrusive hi-hats and the general emptiness in the music surrounding them.
A Dying Fad
At the halfway point in the album, Jeanine seems to officially cut ties with Sylvia, though not without retaining her love for the star. In “Sylvia’s Just a Dying Fad”, she vents her frustrations and worries with Sylvia leaving her to go film a new movie, suspecting that she is “just a friend” who helped jumpstart Sylvia’s career.
At this point, alarm bells are ringing in Jeanine’s head, just as they do in the song itself. The low synths also seem to distort as Jeanine’s perception of Sylvia does.
No Pleasure in Love
After hearing about Jeanine’s past emotional abuse on tracks like “Emotional Vagrant”, we can understand why she might be so insecure about Sylvia leaving her for so long. On “No Leverage / No Pleasure”, She comes to realize that her habit of hiding everything away even from those she loves is part of the reason why their relationship has mostly failed so far.
Jeanine repeats “I love you/ I need you” over and over, admitting to herself that she feels incomplete without Sylvia able to take care of her. Even still, she knows that part of this need comes from Sylvia “hijacking my mind”. The same musical themes present in “Sylvia’s Just a Dying Fad” present themselves in this song, implying that she’s still cautious about Sylvia distorting her mind further.
Optimism Against the Void
The album ends with “Bets Against the Void”, in which Jeanine finally reconciles the fact that Sylvia does love her and that their love can be beautiful. The more cheerful, lighter synths return as Jeanine tries to focus on how good she feels today, not what the future may bring.
As explained in one of their tumblr posts, Lehman’s own anxieties as someone in Jeanine’s position primarily fuelled the album’s emotional themes that provide complexity. The album’s overall light, spacey instrumentals allow Lehman’s lyrics to shine through while building a stellar atmosphere for those emotional themes to be surrounded in.