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Miscellaneous

The 88 Hottest Women in Indie Rock

We’d hate to be shallow, but these women are not only physically good-looking, they’re also immensely talented. Here are my 88 Hottest Women in Indie Rock:

1. Jenny Lewis

Not only is the #1 hottest woman of indie rock the lead singer of Rilo Kiley, she’s also sung with the Watson Twins, and DNTEL & Ben Gibbard in the iconic Postal Service. Oh, and she has her own solo career too, proving that not all childhood actors go the way of Macaulay Culkin. Put on your Rabbit Fur Coat and Rise Up With Fists, this fiery redhead Las Vegas native is hot enough to sustain lava. Her latest, “Acid Tongue” brings all the boys to the yard to test out that acid tongue for themselves. And hey, I’m into her. She’s hella hot.

2. Zooey Deschanel (She & Him)

For an actress turned “she” of She & Him, she makes crossovers look good. With acting chops in The Good Girl and the recent Yes Man, her soothing croon and huge seafaring eyes, Zooey marks number two on the list. Too bad she’s engaged though. According to Stereogum, Zooey is Ben Gibbard’s (Death Cab for) Cutie. Which gives hope to all hefty bearded soft men everywhere.

3. Joanna Newsom

It’s not difficult to mistaken Joanna Newsom for an angel. Her voice is this weird folky and entrancing slice of heaven. Also, she plays the harp.

4. M.I.A.

M.I.A flies like paper. If Beyoncé were into indie rock, she’d be M.I.A. Her blue hair and giant, corny sweaters has inspired many a Halloween costume, but not in a scary Dick Cheney kind of way.

5. Marnie Stern

Yeah, Marnie Stern is hot. and This Is hot and I Am hot and You Are hot and So Is That and He Is hot and She Is hot and It Is hot and That Is That.

6. Feist

Canadian Goddess of Ipod commercials, Feist played an angel on A Colbert Christmas and had the muppets humming “1, 2, 3, 4”. How cute.

7. Cat Power

Chan Marshall’s breathy seduction of a voice has made her the #7 contender on the list. Her stage name is also my favorite euphemism of lower girly parts, interestingly enough.

8. Kim Gordon (Sonic Youth)

She’s so hot, it’s almost barbaric. Kim Gordon is the smokin’ female bassist behind the holy Sonic Youth and one of the frontrunners of indie rock. Now approaching her late 50’s, this is one cougar I wouldn’t mind being jumped by in the forest.

9. Emily Haines (Broken Social Scene)

Indian-native, Canadan-raised Emily Haines is probably one of the hottest women to come out of Canada and India at the same time. Her looks are as delicate as her piano and vocals with Broken Social Scene. She’s like if Kiera Knightley was in a kickass band but could probably still be that girl in your Spanish Diction class.

10. Tift Merritt

Tift Merritt looks more like a model than your average country singer-songwriter (think Reba). But don’t be fooled, this Carolina chanteuse can sing a gorgeous Americana piece like no other.

11. Santogold

She’s dropped her first album in her mid-thirties, opened for Coldplay, and co-wrote songs for Ashlee Simpson. And though the latter two seem to contradict each another, there is no doubt that Santogold can belt out beats to the likes of M.I.A. and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

12. Madeline

This DIY acoustic star has soft, approachable looks reminiscent of her quiet, honest songs from such albums as “Kissing and Dancing” and “The Slow Bang.” She’s as delightful as the cartoon french girl of the same name.

13. Kaki King

A pretty girl with sweet vocals and post-rock instrumentals? That deserves to be mentioned.

14. Kelly Crisp (the Rosebuds)

A local Raleighite, Kelly Crisp taught English at a community college before forming the Rosebuds. She’s also a comedian, (will her talents ever stop emerging?) which undoubtedly caught the eye of the charming Ivan Howard. And he’s not bad-looking either.

15. & 16. CocoRosie (Bianca Leilani and Sierra Rose Casady)

Twins! Bianca and Sierra Casady make for a pretty hot pair in their band CocoRosie. Bianca (Coco) and Sierra (Rosie) oftentimes wear elaborate makeup on stage, making it hard to figure which one is which. Luckily, they’re both hot sisters who make beautiful, psychedelic sounds.

17. Marissa Paternoster (Screaming Females)

She’s so tiny, I feel like I could put her in my pocket. But when this girl screams, she screams. With her mouth. It’s so evil and delicious.

18. Karen O. (Yeah Yeah Yeahs)

Part Korean. Part Polish. All hot woman. Her quirky, orgasmic-like vocals leave her an enigma as the centerpiece of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

19. Jill Andrews (The Everybodyfields)

Frontwoman of Tennessee’s The Everybodyfields, Jill Andrews, is a gem. Her soft country twang intriguing many a bearded male in plaid.

20. Mel Draisey (The Clientele)

So hot she makes the rest of her bandmates look bad. Her pouty eyes and sultry violen make Gwyenth Paltrow sulk.

21. Nicole Atkins

This “pop-noir” singer from Jersey, with her so-short dresses and duotone hair, can wear Old Navy and still look hot.

22. Anna Spence (The Annuals)

Raleigh’s own Anna Spence is the folksy next-door neighbor. You figure she’s cute, but really, you just want to court her and hold her hand.

23-25 The Pipettes (Rosay, Gwenno, RiotBecki)

Their kisses are wasted on you. Though the original members may have severed ties to the band, they were hot while they lasted. Their hits were catchy; their charm, infectious.

26. Thao Nguyen

27. Lykke Li

28. Beth Tacular (Bowerbirds)

29. Ladyhawke

30. Kathryn Calder (The New Pornographers)

31. Nicole Barille (Mr. Gnome)

32.& 33. Camera Obscura (Tracyanne Campbell, Carey Lander)

34. Charlotte Gainsbourg

35. Þórunn Antonía (Fields)

36. Kazu Makino (Blonde Redhead)

37. Neko Case

38.-40. Au Revoir Simone (Erika Forster, Annie Hart, Heather D’Angelo)

40-44. Sleater Kinney (Carrie Brownstein, Janet Weiss, Corin Tucker, and Lora McFarlane)

45. The Ettes (Maria “Poni” Silver, Lindsay “Coco” Hames)

46-48. Pink Flag (Princess Ojiaku, Betsy Shane and Jessica Caesar)

49. Goldfrapp

50. Khaela Maricich (the Blow)

51. Kristin Gundred (Grand Ole Party)

52. Nikki Monninger (Silversun Pickups)

53. Eleanor Friedberger (The Fiery Furnaces)

54. Analee Fery (Monsters Are Waiting)

55. Shara Worden (My Brightest Diamond)

56. Becky Stark (Lavender Diamond)

57. Satomi Matsuzaki (Deerhoof)

58-59. Tegan & Sara

60. Victoria Legrand (Beach House)

61-61. Midtown dickens (Catherine Edgerton and Kym Register)

62-64. The Vivian Girls (Cassie Ramone, Kickball Katy, Ali Koehler)

65. Belinda Butcher (My Bloody Valentine)

66. Joan as Policewoman

67. Katrina Kerns (Sufjan Stevens)

68-70. Ladytron (Helen Marnie, Mira Aroyo)

71. Jolie Holland

72. Lovefoxxx

73. Nico Vega

74. St. Vincent

75-77. Tilly and the Wall (Kianna Alarid, Neely Jenkins, Jamie Pressnall)

78. Annie Hardy (Giant Drag)

79. Sia

80. Bat for Lashes

81. Gabriela (Rodrigo y Gabriela)

82. Anita Robinson (Viva Voce)

83. Emiliana Torrini

84. Mirah

85. Inara George (Bird and the Bee)

86-88. All Girl Summer Fun Band (Kathy Foster, Jen Sbragia, Kim Baxter)

Categories
Miscellaneous

Cookie Monster of Death

Many people refer to the vocal style used in death metal as “Cookie Monster vocals.” As a metalhead, I don’t usually use this term, but I am aware of the similarities between the voices of death-metal-ers like Chris Barnes (Cannibal Corpse, Six Feet Under) and the ravenous blue Muppet.

Although I haven’t watched “Sesame Street” in many years, I do remember Cookie Monster…and I believe there may be other links between Cookie Monster and Death Metal music.

Both Cookie Monster and death metal bands are obsessed with particular subjects. But instead of incessantly blathering about cookies, death metal bands tend to stick to their lyrical guns (knives, ice picks, etc.) and write sinister and disturbing music about destruction, mutilation, and of course, death.

This got me to thinking: are cookies evil? Maybe not, but, I know firsthand that they can definitely be used for evil.

When I was a kid, every winter my mom would buy those assorted butter cookies that come in a big blue tin. I always thought it wasn’t much of an assortment because four out of the five varieties tasted exactly the same (though they did come in different shapes).

The only cookies in the tin that I could tolerate were the chocolate chip ones; they were better than the taste-alike ones, but were poor representatives of the chocolate chip cookie ilk. My sister, on the other hand, liked the cookies, and chocolate chip were her favorite, too – they were always the first to go. Just like when we got Neapolitan ice cream: the chocolate portion always disappeared first.

Anyway, one early winter afternoon, I came home to find the first cookie tin of the season sitting on our kitchen table and I had an idea. I grabbed the tin and ran up to my room, emptied its contents onto my bed, and waited for my sister to get home. When she arrived, I snuck back downstairs with the empty tin under my shirt. I caught a glimpse of my sister reclining on the living room couch as I ran into the kitchen.

I placed the cookie tin on the stove and turned the burner on high. After about a minute I figured that the tin was hot enough and I removed it from the flame with potholders and put it on the kitchen table where I had first found it.

I strolled into living room with a satisfied smile on my face and informed my sister that there was a tin of cookies in the kitchen. She immediately headed for them, as I knew she would. Seconds later, I heard a scream and the sound of a hot aluminum hitting dirty linoleum.

Why did I do it? Well, because I was a kid and it seemed hilarious at the time. But…were there any underlying factors at play? Did I do it because my mind had been corrupted by years of listening to death metal?

Nah. I think the real reason is something that crazy blue Muppet knows all too well…those butter cookies are evil.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWac5UT80no&feature=related