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The Weezer Fandom: Van Weezer is Coming

So y’all know Weezer right? Radio rock band from the mid-90s, Buddy Holly, Say it Aint So, Island in the Sun? Well did you know that Weezer has been active and releasing music more or less continuously since then? They are releasing their fifteenth studio album “Van Weezer,” here in a couple of weeks, and their ride-or-die fanbase couldn’t be happier.

This thing really sucks! Thanks Weezer!

WZRFAN43

This doesn’t mean the fans are expecting a great new album. In fact, the fanbase is eagerly anticipating a train wreck of monstrous proportions. The Weezer fandom is perhaps one of the most masochistic groups of people I’ve ever seen, taking in each new horrifying set of lyrics, bland instrumental, and bonkers musical idea with awe. One of my longtime friends is a Weezer fan, and she has been forcibly subjecting me to these horrors for about the last 5 years, to the point that it’s become a recurring constant to follow along with every new album. Let me show you what I mean, here is a quotation from their magnum opus Smart Girls:

“Where did all these smart girls come from? I don’t think that I could choose just one. Where did all these smart girls come from? Someone tell me how to get me some. On the floor, in the car, on the seat at the bar, wherever I go, that’s where they are. SMAAARRT GIIIRRRLSSS.”  

This song has been stuck in my head continuously since the 9th grade and I’m not sure if I can live like this any longer.

Even the good music Weezer released in their post-relevancy has been tinted with madness. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you which albums are actually good, because nobody agrees on which albums are good. If you liked Weezer in their heyday, I can almost guarantee that you will like something they’ve released in their weird stage, but I cannot tell you what. The line between good solid music and unquestionably horrifying catastrophe is surprisingly fine. I personally love 2008’s “Weezer (The Red Album)” my friend enjoys 2014’s “Everything Will Be Alright in the End.” And both of us agree that 2010’s “Hurley,” is the worst album in recorded history. Needless to say, I’ve listened to Hurley many times more than I’ve listened to anything good they ever released.

Anti-fandom is a strange beast. In the internet era, it’s difficult to unironically like something. Every corner of the internet is filled with hipsters singing the praises of The Room, Cats, The Shaggs, etc. But the Weezer fandom doesn’t actually remind me of those irony poisoned talking points. They remind me most of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Rocky Horror is, objectively speaking, a terrible movie. It’s poorly paced, the music is cheesy, the “point,” if it ever had one, is completely lost, is contains Meatloaf. However, the fandom around Rocky Horror does not love it ironically or poke fun at it because they think it is trash. No, no, while it may be trash, it is our trash, and there will be no bratty hipster “so bad it’s good,” in the Rocky Horror fandom. When Time Warp plays, you will pelvic thrust with force and gusto.

The Weezer fandom works in a similar way. Yes, this is terrible, but it’s only terrible because throughout all their albums there is sincerity and a genuine effort that has been lost by most 90s teenage rock stars. There’s something genuinely uncomfortable about Rivers Cuomo trying and failing to imitate Kesha. I mean, just compare Green Day’s latest, well, I guess you would technically call it a “song” Here Comes the Shock. The self-cannibalizing irony has seeped so deep into their music that it ceases to even be bad. It’s just, the absence of good. So, while I may think 75% of everything Weezer has ever made is absolute garbage, I respect that they have always made the garbage they wanted to make. Except for Pinkerton, screw that album.

By Delusional Melodrama

DJ and occasional contributor to the WKNC blog. Specializes in all music that sounds like a lawnmower swallowing a rock.