Hi there, all! And by all, I mean whoever stumbles across this blog post and/or my family, friends, and boyfriend, who undoubtedly will read this at some point. My name is Julia, and you may know me from my podcast “That’s What They Said,” where I co-host with one of my good
friends, Kieran.
This summer, I am absolutely so busy working 55 hours a week, split between three jobs and taking two classes on top of that, so instead of podcasting, I’ve come to the next best thing: blogging. If you want to hear more of my musings and ponderings about conversations and interviews I have with the characters I come across in my life, stay tuned for the next blog post. I started the podcast last September after pondering on it for several months, but never taking the initiative to actually make it happen. Since September, we have put out (almost) consistent weekly episodes covering topics like mental health, dating, and surviving exams. Some of those topics were made even more interesting by our several guest stars.
For our Halloween episode, my best friend Frank made an appearance, for our Valentine’s Day episode, Kieran’s roommate Tanner popped out, and then I did a special episode with just my sibling and me. Without fail, each time we had a guest on the pod, I found myself enjoying the
experience more and more as we got to banter and riff with different personalities and learn what each person had to offer.
All of this experience has culminated in me having the desire to start a spinoff show called “Who is This Diva” (shoutout Sam, my content manager for the name idea), where I spend time interviewing or simply having conversations with important characters in my life to learn more
about what hidden wisdom they have to offer, whether they know they have it or not. I feel that there is a very prevalent phenomenon in our society where people feel imposter syndrome about their value in this world and what they have to offer to the greater community. I have decided that we need to nip this in the bud because I would not be anything close to who I am now without the influence and guidance of hundreds of people over the course of my life.
All of us have had the experience of someone saying some offhand comment or telling us a story about their life experience that has genuinely altered the way we interact with the world. In simple terms, we are molded and shaped by the people around us, who were in turn molded and shaped by the people around them.
I find the concept of culture and society fascinating, and I continually find that we are more and more interconnected than we could have ever dreamed of. A recent instance I have had that really solidified my opinion on this topic was a conversation that occurred almost exactly a
month ago.
Some of you may know that I am a dancer, and the dance style that currently has its claws gripped in me is called contra dancing. Now I could talk (or write) about this for ages, so bear with me on this.
Contra dancing is rooted in Scottish and Irish folk dancing, but it looks pretty much just like square dancing, with groups of people doing figures and listening out for a caller who tells them what to do next. You start each dance holding hands with your partner and facing another set of partners and so on, all the way down the hall in a huge line. The caller calls out a series of turns and moves, and you and your partner will eventually progress down the line, dancing with many
other pairs of partners.
As you can imagine, this means you get to interact with quite a variety of people over the course of just one dance. However, it doesn’t stop there! The contra culture encourages dancers to have a different partner for every single dance, so you truly do get to meet an insane amount of
people at just one event.
I got into contra dancing years ago when I was still at UNCW, and my sociology professor invited our class to a contra dance. I was the only one who went, and I dragged Frank along with me. From the first moment that I began dancing and twirling, I became infatuated with contra dancing. There is something so incredibly special about interacting with people in such an intimate way without the use of words.
The nature of a contra dance means there isn’t time for a quick chat during a dance; the only interaction you have is holding someone and looking right at their face while you spin, twirl, and move. Such a thing is rather daunting at first because of how intimate it is, but once you get
used to it, the nervousness melts away, and you can give in to the connection you feel with your partner.
Sometimes you meet a partner who really tests your trust. I remember the first time I danced with someone who took the time to teach me a dip. It is rather terrifying to trust someone you just met to hold you safe from falling, just with their arms supporting your entire body weight. It’s definitely an interesting experience, but one that I enjoy and find to be fun. However, I still do feel a little nervous when I get dipped by someone I’ve never danced with, but letting go and truly trusting your partner is what fuels that connection and true platonic intimacy.
One person that I met at a dance years ago is this fellow named Shelby. He is probably one of the coolest individuals I’ve ever met and has been a huge influence in my dancing life. He’s taught me so many moves and dips and stylistic flourishes that I can add into dance, but that’s not even the most important thing he’s taught me.
One thing I find so interesting about Shelby is that he is at almost every contra dance I go to, whether it be in Wilmington, Raleigh, Carrboro, Asheville, Tennessee, Charlotte, or literally anywhere else. His life passion is contra dancing, and that’s what he spends his time doing.
Now, as I said, I have known Shelby for years, but I’ve never learned much about who he is outside of dancing. I had an opportunity to change that last month when I found myself sitting next to him at the check-in desk at a dance we both volunteered at. We sat there talking for HOURS about this and that. We chatted about his career, our faith journeys, camping, hiking, our families, and he told me so many stories about the people he has met since he began dancing ages ago.
This was perhaps one of my favorite conversations I’ve had at a dance event for a variety of reasons, but the part that sticks out to me most is this: my sibling asked Shelby about his mom and what she was like.
Now, for a little more context, Shelby is probably in his 60s, has adult kids, and is retired from his career. The way his eyes lit up when asked about his mom was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. He proceeded to tell us all about her as if he hadn’t had the chance to talk about her in a long time. I couldn’t figure out why exactly this struck me so hard until right now, after a month of pondering.
I love my mommy so much, and I am always happy to talk about her and brag about what she’s up to or how much she loves me, and fortunately, that opportunity comes up pretty often since I’m still young and so is she. But for someone like Shelby, who is an introverted older fellow, nobody just comes up and asks about his mom, which means he doesn’t ever get the chance to reminisce on his childhood and what being loved by a mother feels like.
I think I was so struck by that conversation because it truly showed me how interconnected we are as humans. No matter what age you are or where you are from or how long it’s been since you’ve seen your mom, we all have a sort of innate connection with our mother. I am fortunate to have a mom who loves me unconditionally and who I get to see whenever I want (aka all the time), but some people, like Shelby, haven’t seen their mom in years, and even more people have mothers who aren’t emotionally healthy or kind and loving or just a solid support system for their kids.
The moral of the story is that this conversation with Shelby taught me several things:
One: I got to connect with him on a deeper level.
Two: I was reminded how generation and age don’t separate us as much as we think they do.
Three: I am so lucky to have the mom that I have, and I ought to make every effort to make sure
she knows that.
If you’ve read this far in this blog post, thank you for surviving my long-winded ponderings. I hope that these thoughts and experiences I have will show how simple conversations with all kinds of people are, what give us the wisdom that shapes who we are as people. Someone like Shelby could be about to cross your path, and you never know what you’ll learn from them.
Take this as the encouragement you need to sit down and yap with someone about anything.
You never know what you’ll learn!