Many of my regular readers know that I am a woman and that I play in a band here in Raleigh. If you are someone who regularly attends shows, small or large, you know that there is a distinct shortage of women. I have decided to call upon some of the women in the community to help me describe what it’s like on the other side of the microphone for us.
The first hurdle of playing in a band is starting one. I personally found it daunting to try to get people together but after speaking with these women, I’m seeing that it doesn’t have to be super scary. In most of the interviews, the bands at least in part got together through friendship. When asked for their origin story, Leslie (lead singer) of Murder Kittenz said, “So, I was previously starting a band with high school friends but we were missing a drummer and a guitarist so when I started college I saw a guy who put flyers around campus with his contact saying that he was a drummer (Julius) looking for a band to join so I got in contact with him and he got me in contact with a guitarist he was friends with (Josue); sadly a couple months into meetings each other the bassists had to drop the band due to school so we renamed the band and met another bassist.”
I found it a little difficult to find band members initially. I found myself being approached by people who were interested in me and used the excuse of playing together to get closer to me. I was relieved to know that this hasn’t happened to everyone I spoke to. But according to Sarah (lead singer) of Last Date, “It’s absolutely happened, but I think the older I’ve gotten the less common it is. I remember it happening a few times when I was in a band in high school, but with the local college-aged bands I’ve interacted with, I don’t think it’s happened. In my experience, if other musicians want to hit on you, they’ll just do that, rather than using music as an excuse.” I have definitely experienced this with college-aged people but it is good to see that it happens less often.
Along a similar vein, there is something to be said for women being treated differently in the community. I asked these women if they have ever found themselves being treated differently. A couple, such as Maddy (lead singer/rhythm guitarist) of Mango Ct. as well as Leslie said no or not that they could tell. The rest, unfortunately, found themselves being treated differently by both venue personnel and other bands. Isabella, lead singer of Ajena, a band interviewed by WKNC last November, said, “It’s very hit-or-miss. Most of the time, I am lucky, and I get treated well. But we had this one show where people were super rowdy, and a couple of guys kept throwing beers on stage, making it really slippery. And then after our set was over, when we were clearing off stage, I was getting grabbed at and stopped for no good reason. It’s really frustrating, because I’m clearly moving, I’m trying to take down the kit, I’m trying to get into the green room. And all this drunk person is focused on is trying to ask me out. It might seem like a privilege to be complaining about being flirted with, but it’s the lack of respect that really pisses me off. I wish people would see me first as an artist, or even at least as a human. Not just a woman.” This disheartening statement is sadly not even close to the only one of this nature. Sarah of Last Date expressed frustration with not being taken seriously as a singer. She said there is a misconception that singers aren’t knowledgeable on technique or gear and are also seen as having an easy instrument.
When I was writing my interview questions, I realized that one very important question I needed to ask was whether or not these women felt that they were being treated differently within the band. I have felt very fortunate within my own experiences that my bandmates haven’t seemingly treated me any differently. The five women I interviewed unanimously said they felt likewise. Sarah did say that wasn’t always the case in the past: “…I have absolutely had experiences in other bands and with other musicians where jokes are made and my thoughts are questioned based on my gender.”
Something that is a challenge is being overlooked. This ties back with being treated differently. I have definitely found myself in situations where I feel overlooked or ignored. I really liked what Hannah (lead guitarist) of Ajena said on the subject: “Sadly, this is an experience I’ve encountered quite often, so I’ve gotten good at speaking up for myself and advocating for what I need. Looking back, I’ve grown to sort of appreciate these types of experiences. It’s developed my ability to be more assertive and make sure my voice, and the voices of others, are heard. A part of that strength comes with the support of my bandmates; knowing that they are always going to support me makes me feel a lot better in these situations.” It is so incredibly important to speak up in a situation like this one. Without self-advocacy, it’s very difficult to be heard.
With these heavy topics being addressed, it’s important to also realize why we keep doing what we do. I love playing music with my band. I love writing songs together and I love our time together in practices. I love playing for an audience and achieving things I never thought were possible. I asked all five women what their favorite part of being in a band was. Each of their responses I think shows just why it’s so important for there to be more women in the scene who can experience the best parts of the industry.
- Maddy (Mango Ct.): “Playing music has always been one of the best parts of my life. With the band, I not only get to share that joy with them, but anyone we play to. I don’t take for granted getting to play cool venues for really cool people.”
- Leslie (Murder Kittenz): “Being able to meet people who share similar interests as me.
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- Sarah (Last Date): “I have two favorite parts of being in a band, performing and the friendships. I’ve been singing my entire life and performing for people is my favorite thing to do in the whole world. But nothing can beat the friends your bandmates become. Bandmates will truly see you at your absolute best and absolute worst. You spend so much time together that you become like siblings – you may argue sometimes, but you’ll always be best friends.”
- Isabella (Ajena): “It’s hard to pinpoint one thing. I really love what I do. But I think the biggest thing is all of the people I’ve gotten to meet. I’ve made so many wonderful friends, and I doubt I would have gotten to know any of them if I wasn’t involved in the scene. I’ve also learned so much about music, songwriting, and what it takes to be an artist, despite the small scale of our endeavors. That’s really special to me, especially because I have zero background or experience in anything musical. I learned how to sing when the band started, and only picked up guitar a few months prior. People are incredibly kind, and there’s so much that you can take away from being in a band, if you look for it.”
- Hannah (Ajena): “While the list of things I love about this band is long, my greatest pleasure is being able to collaborate deeply with some of the most talented individuals I know– who also happen to be my best friends. Most of my creative outlets in the past have been done independently, so it has been rewarding to bring my visions to life through a shared bond and effort alongside other musicians. Additionally, this band has allowed me to expand my community and form so many new connections that I value deeply to this day. I feel incredibly privileged to occupy this space as an artist.”
I wrote this in the hopes of giving my readers a better understanding of what it’s like to be in a band as a woman. I don’t want this to discourage any of the women who read my articles. It’s not a warning about what you may face, but more so something to keep in mind when interacting within the community.
— dj dragonfly
