I made the choice (a poor one, perhaps) to finally purchase Baldur’s Gate 3 last month. I have a lot of opinions about it.
But since WKNC.org is, at its core, a music-based platform, I will sublimate my obsession interest in the game into something music-related.
While the plot and gameplay of BG3 is all well and good, what I find to be the most important is the blorbofication of the game’s characters.
For those unfamiliar with Baldur’s Gate 3, the game allows a player’s PC to travel in the company of several companions who seem specially-tailored to be both intensely likeable (excluding Gale) and intensely attractive.
Through gameplay and interaction, the player can learn more about these new friends (or enemies — or lovers — depending on how you swing things) and build plot-relevant relationships.
That’s all well and good, I suppose.
But beyond all the hours of carefully crafted backstory and world-building infused into BG3’s gameplay, I’m interested in imposing upon these characters my own pretentious personal ideas about music.
Nobody asked, but I will deliver.
The Selection
I digress with a brief disclaimer to highlight that this is, primarily, a joke. However, I stand wholeheartedly by all of these claims.
I also will only be covering the “main cast” of companions, so if anyone was expecting to see what kind of music Scratch or Minthara would listen to, they’ll have to decide that for themselves.
My criteria for making these assessments comes from four main factors:
- Personality
- Style
- Canon
- My personal opinions
As an English major, I have a lot of practice in the art of character analysis. As a music fan, I have a lot of experience being force-fed other people’s music opinions.
The intersection of these two realms will yield something interesting, if not accurate.
Lae’zel
Lae’zel is a Githyanki Fighter with a Soldier background. If you’re not familiar with DND, those words will mean next to nothing to you. That’s fine. All you need to know is that Lae’zel is the modern man’s tsundere.
If I’m being honest, I struggled the most with this one. Lae’zel is characterized as being both strictly no-nonsense and highly repressed, coming from a highly militaristic society.
At the same time, however, her culture has a strong musical and artistic foundation. Githyanki music is defined as highly variable, though consistently centered around metallic, harsh and strident rhythms.
From this perspective, I think Lae’zel’s music taste would follow similar lines. I can see her enjoying weird industrial music as well as brassy jazz.
Bands I can think of that fit this kind of idiosyncratic harshness and experimental irregularity include:
- Xiu Xiu
- Throbbing Gristle
- SEATBELTS
- Maynard Ferguson
I also think she’d like insanely hard, vigorous metal. Perhaps jazz-metal fusion, like Agabas.
Shadowheart
Also known as “God’s Favorite Princess,” Shadowheart is a half-elf Cleric with an Acolyte background.
I was pleased to find that despite my first impressions of her, Shadowheart has proven to be a well-written female character. I adore her, and if it wasn’t my goal to make all the companions fall in love with me, I would probably romance her.
All the same though, I don’t think her music taste would be all that spectacular. Though her outward personality projects pragmatism, I think she’d find music as an important emotional outlet. So, obviously, she’d be very into girlcore.
I can see her appreciating female artists, specifically. Such as:
I’m definitely taking this too seriously.
- Lana Del Rey
- Kate Bush
- Phoebe Bridgers
- Mitski (yes, she actually would)
Gale
i will preface this by stating that I am not a misandrist.
Gale is a human Wizard with a Sage background. He’s also from Waterdeep, as he’s particularly keen on mentioning.
I don’t dislike Gale, per se, but he definitely gives off an air of instability that reminds me of several uncharismatic and overly-confident men I’ve met in my life. While I’m sure that Gale is far from the “fantasy incel” I like to pretend he is for laughs, I do think he’d listen to The Smiths.
As someone who also listens to The Smiths, like recognizes like.
Gale also seems like the kind of person who would give over his heart to enigmatic, long-winded sprawls of progressive rock.
He’d probably smell like patchouli — and another fragrant herb — in real life.
- King Crimson
- Soen
- Rush
- Frank Zappa
Astarion
Oh, man. I really do enjoy this mean, fruity little man.
Astarion is a high elf Rogue with a Charlatan background. He’s also a vampire, which despite being extremely obvious, is somehow a surprise to all the other characters.
I consider whether or not someone likes Astarion to be a sort of litmus test. For what exactly, I will not say.
Maybe it’s trite to think this, but I see Astarion as being an appreciator of classical music and soft, smooth jazz. I like to think he may even appreciate bossa nova.
He’s 200 years old and probably sick to death of the whole music business, prefering instead just to listen to what “feels nice.”
And yes, I’m fully aware that Neil Newborn has his own Astarion playlist, and that it has “Even Flow” on it.
Wyll
This is my little brother’s favorite character (because warlocks are cool.)
Wyll is a human Warlock (The Fiend) with a Folk Hero background. He has a stone eye with a heart-shaped pupil, which to me signals to the fact that he’s probably the most well-adjusted companion (and character, perhaps) in the game.
Though he defines himself as a warrior and monster-slayer (the “Blade of Frontiers,” which is a name he apparently gave himself?), he’s inherently kindhearted and subtly dorky.
This, combined with his red-and-black fashion motif, leads me to think of him as a big fan of dad rock. He’s into alternative sounds, but only really familiar with the more topical names.
- Alice in Chains
- Soundgarden
- Metallica
- Danzig
Karlach
An unequivocal representation of peak female character design, Karlach is a Tiefling Barbarian with an Outlander background. She’s also got an infernal engine in her chest, which honestly only adds to her abject hotness.
Karlach is a beacon to angsty ADHD girlies everywhere. While I think she’d honestly just enjoy listening to anything upbeat and fun, I also see her as particularly drawn to heavy music a la Doom Slayer. But perhaps with an emo or nu metal twist.
A special mention goes to the track “Hyperviolence” by Omerta.
